Warren Buffett offered to match any voluntary contribution made by a Republican congressperson to reduce the national debt. "I'll even go three-for-one with McConnell," said Buffett of the Senate minority leader.
Michigan and Wisconsin argued over which state was shaped more like a mitten. "We understand their mitten envy," said a spokesman from Travel Michigan. "It's not our fault," said a Wisconsinite from Neenah, "that their thumb is smaller."
Following multiple accusations of marital infidelity, Herman Cain dropped out of the G.O.P. presidential race, saying his reputation was under attack by a conspiracy of "elites" and political reporters. Cain closed his withdrawal speech by quoting at length the theme song from "Pokemon: The First Movie": "Life can be achallenge. Life can seem impossible. It's never easy when there's so much on the line. But you and I can make a difference. There's a mission just for you and me."
The Vatican's chief exorcist warned Catholics about the dangers of yoga. "You think you are doing it for stretching," said Father Gabriele Amorth, "but it leads to Hinduism."
Hundreds of people were arrested while demonstrating, among them antiwar activist Cindy Sheehan, inSacramento's Cesar Chavez Park, and philosopher Cornel West, on the steps of the Supreme Court. "We will not allow this day of the Martin Luther King memorial to pass," West said, "without somebody going to jail."
The Federal Trade Commission halted the sale of AcneApp and AcnePwner, two smartphone apps that claimed to treat acne, one of them using red and blue lights. "Smartphones make our lives easier in countless ways," said FTC chairman Jon Leibowitz, "but unfortunately, when it comes to curing acne, there's no app for that."
UCLA math student Chris Jeon was discovered far from home, fighting alongside anti-Qaddafi forces in Libya. “It is the end of my summer vacation, so I thought it would be cool to join the rebels,” said Jeon. “Whatever you do, don’t tell my parents. They don’t know I’m here.”
An Ohio grandmother was arrested after spraying her grandson in the face with a high-powered hose because he'd eaten too much bacon, and a drunken Ohio mother lactating in Illinois was charged with assault after striking her husband, locking herself in her car, and spraying deputies with breast milk. "This is a prime example," said Delaware County sheriff Walter L. Davis, "of how alcohol can make individuals do things they would not normally do.
Wales's Cardiff Royal Infirmary issued an apology for making elderly patients use tambourines to attract nurses' attention. "Patients should never have to use a tambourine," said Steve Allen, the hospital's chief officer. "I also understand anecdotally that maracas were used, which was unacceptable."
Beneath the ice of Russia's White Sea, a diver tamed a pair of beluga whales. Since belugas are thought to dislike artificial materials such as wetsuits and breathing apparatus, the diver entered the freezing water naked, using yoga to stay alive.
